The Second Date

Li-Chun, as I mentioned, was one of Tian’s best friends. So naturally, I called her for some advice about Tian and to get some information as well. I asked her if Tian had talked about me after our date and if I had made an impression on her at all. Li-Chun didn’t know but said she would ask. I also asked about what things I could do to make Tian feel special on a date, as I was already planning on asking her for a second date. She told me that she liked stuffed animals and poetry. So, I decided to do both on our next date.

I don’t remember exactly how long it was between the first and second dates, but it was little over a month, which put us around early March, 1998, (Tian was pretty booked with dates with guys from our church, as she was quite popular and we do a lot of friendship dating in our church.)

Our next date was to be at a party someone was having at their house in San Francisco. It was a house that Tian had lived in for a little while as a transition home between places to live. Before our date that night, I went to the store to find a stuffed animal for Tian. As it was close to Easter, I found a small stuffed rabbit. As a side note, although I didn’t make any correlation at the time, I was also born in the year of the rabbit as far as the Chinese zodiac goes. I think it was Tian who pointed that out later. I thought it was a cute little rabbit. I also made sure to bring along an Emily Dickens poetry book, which, believe it or not, I already owned, and had picked out a poem that I was prepared to read to her at some point during the date. It was a poem about springtime, although it was vague enough that you had to guess at that but not so vague that you had to be a detective to figure it out. I thought I would make her guess what it was about to make it more interesting.

I picked up Tian at her place in the City, and drove to another home in the City where the party was. The party was great fun. There was good food, some music and great conversations. Then we played a great party game called Mafia. This game was to leave a very lasting impression on Tian. Actually, it was the way I played the game, I should say, that left the impression. Tian was new to the game but quickly got the hang of it, as she is a very sharp woman. It’s an interesting game of deception where we draw cards to see who is the mafia, who’s the cop, and who are the innocent people of the town. There are two mafia people chosen by the cards, and one cop. All the rest are citizens. Nobody knows who is who, except after the first round when an official moderator is chosen by the citizens “lynching” someone they think is part of the mafia, by a random guess, or by speculation as someone may have heard the mafia making some noise during the first round as the two mafia acknowledge who each other are while everyone else had their eye’s closed. Anyway, without getting too much involved in the rules of the game, the over all jest is to get down to four people, by the mafia killing them off, without both mafia being discovered. If a mafia member and an innocent shake hands, the mafia wins. If two innocents shake hands then the innocent, (everyone else), wins. I ended up being one of the mafia. Tian, who was very amused by the game, in the very next round got lynched due to the fact that she laughed out loud so much while the town was “sleeping”, (our eye’s were closed), and so the group deemed her guilty, only to find, she was innocent after all.

That’s when Tian’s eyes were opened to the real me. Since Tian was out of the game, she could keep her eyes open while the mafia was making its kill. She then saw that I was one of the mafia. Once she realized this, she just started laughing hysterically out loud. No one could figure out exactly why, but I knew why. I had done such a great job of playing innocent and accusing others of being it, that she was just amazed and bewildered that I could do that with such a straight face. She was even a little wary of me, thinking, “Sheesh, this guy is very deceitful, how can he do this so well?” She took my acting a little seriously, although she was right about my deceitful nature.

The mafia ended up winning that game. Due to my superb acting job and triumphant victory in this game of deceit, Tian now saw me in a different light. For a while, she always called me “Mafia” after that night. But this didn’t seem to affect our friendship. Tian and I went out to the store get some supplies at some point in the evening. When we went to the car and were alone, that’s when I gave her the stuffed bunny and read her the poem. She seemed delighted when I gave her the bunny, and she stated she would call it “Tyrone Junior”. I found out much later that she really hated it. She was used to getting very big stuffed animals, so she felt insulted at receiving such a small token of friendship. I kind of blew the poetry thing too. I had instructed her that she was to guess what the author was referring to in her poem after I read it. However, immediately after reading it I proceeded to explain to her how it symbolized springtime, instead of letting her guess. She seemed frustrated by the fact that I had blurted out the answer before she even had a chance to give her response, which she said she knew was “Spring”. But I did get something right; Emily Dickens turned out to be one of her favorite poets. I felt pretty good about that at least.

Needless to say, our second date was not even close to being as awesome as the first. We did seem to have a great time at the party, but it just didn’t click like the first time. I think it’s harder once you actually develop an interest in someone because all of sudden it’s harder to be yourself and the insecurity factor starts weaving it’s way into your mind. I hate that.

I called Li-Chun on the Monday after our date to see what she had to say about Tian’s opinion of me. I was disappointed to learn that she had no interest in me, though not surprised. I asked Li-Chun what I should do. She told me that I better not pursue Tian aggressively, but rather just lay low and develop a great friendship with her; otherwise, Tian would start to back off. So, reluctantly, that is exactly what I did.

Tian and I had not gone on any dates after that for quite some time. Months passed, and I never called her for a date, or even called just to talk. Mostly she would call over at the house for one reason or another, and we would talk. After about 7 months had passed since our last date, we did start talking more to each other. Tian would call me often at work to seek input or share her thoughts or feelings. We really started becoming great friends. I did call Tian a couple times when I was in need of a last minute date to see if she would be willing to go out with me, but she was always busy or already had a date. I found out later that she just didn’t feel respected being asked out at the last minute. Go figure.

When August came around, it was time to celebrate our birthdays. Tian’s birthday is August 14^th mine August 16^th. As a good friend, I really wanted to make Tian’s birthday special. Not that I would do all the planning, but I just wanted to make sure we did something as a group, the Do’s myself and some of her good friends, to encourage Tian. Knowing that one of her favorite poets was Emily Dickenson; I bought her a collection of Emily Dickenson Poems. I also purchased a set of cards, each with a different idea for something to do in San Francisco. I bought this for her because it was something I really liked, being an adventurous person, and I thought, (or hoped rather), that perhaps she may be adventurous too and would have fun picking cards from the deck and letting the cards decide what fun adventure she would get to do next. But as it turned out, she wasn’t quite as adventurous as myself. I figured that out when she asked me what the cards were for. Well, at least she was excited about the poetry.

For her birthday lunch, we had dim sum at a place in Milpitas called Mayflower. It was in the same shopping center where Tian worked. This is were she opened her gifts that each had brought to give to her. As it happened, Tian was fasting from meat during that time, so she had to eat all vegetarian dim sum. Since I was sitting next to Tian, I made sure that she got plenty of vegetarian food by bringing the veggie plates to hear and picking out dishes that were meatless. I really enjoyed taking care of Tian, so to speak. I can’t remember how many people showed up for her lunch, but it was a cozy group of about six or seven.

After lunch, Tian needed to go to the Great Mall, near by, to get a card and gift for Simon. She wanted me to go with her for company. Me, with my ‘sacrificial’ heart and attitude decided I would go along. I was overjoyed, to say the least.

It was an interesting experience for me at the mall with Tian. For one, we got separated from each other. I forget exactly how, but I think I had to use the restroom, and Tian needed to go to some store, and I was to meet her there. However, she wasn’t there. She had gotten mixed up as to the direction of the store, and the mall being Circular, she walked all the way around it. I stayed in the general location of the store figuring she’d show up sometime. Then I saw her, making her way through the crowed. It was almost like watching her in slow motion for me. I smiled when I saw her, because the look on her face was so serious as she wandered through the crowd looking for me. As she got within about 20 feet of me, she saw me and smiled too. Just that moment was enough to brighten my day. So then, our next job was to buy a card for my competition, that is, Simon. I thought that was kind of funny. Here I was, very much liking Tian, yet helping her find a card for the guy she liked. I think at this point, Tian was trying to become resolved about Simon. She knew he wasn’t interested in her, and they had talked about it and knew just where each other stood. Tian was still kind of bitter about it if I recall correctly.

As I was browsing through the cards, I picked one up and read it to her out loud. It referred to the recipient of the card as ‘handsome’. I told her that this would be a great card. She asked me how I knew. I told her because I would be encouraged to receive that card from a sister. She said, “Ya, but your not Simon. Simon would feel pressured by this. Plus, I don’t think Simon is handsome at all.” This statement stunned me momentarily. Then I realized it must be denial.

“Come on!”, I said, ”You are just in denial because you are bitter about it not working out with Simon.”.

“No, not at all, I never thought Simon was handsome. I just liked his heart and that he was Chinese.” I was stunned again.

I had to ask her again if she was serious. She assured me she was, rather emphatically. I was really stunned this time. See, I had never liked a woman that I wasn’t attracted to. There were certainly woman in my life that I wasn’t attracted to at first, and then grew to think they were attractive after getting to know them, including my ex-fiancÈ; but I was indeed attracted to them when I started liking them. So I was puzzled at this statement, and wondered if perhaps she was just out of touch with the fact that she did find him attractive is some way. The alternative was that she really had an incredible heart and character that allowed her to love a man strictly for who he is, rather what he looked like. I had never met a person like that before, and wasn’t sure that that type of person existed. I really gained a great respect for her after she told me that. It also gave me some hope that perhaps one day she could even like me.

While shopping, we happened to walk by a store that sells prints and paintings and they were having a sale. I stopped to look because there were some good prices and our household desperately needed some pictures on the wall. But, as Tian had to get back to work, we didn’t really have time to stop for long. Tian picked up on the clue though, and two days later for my birthday, she presented me with a print of a famous German castle, the one Disney copied. I was very excited that she noticed what I wanted and that she went back to buy that for me.

The day after Tian’s birthday, I talked more with Li-Chun, as I did from time to time to see if Tian’s heart had changed toward me at all, and she told me that Tian was really encouraged how I looked out for her at her birthday lunch, making sure she got plenty of meatless dim sum. That news in turn encouraged me. I was ecstatic Tian was encouraged by my actions. Nonetheless, I had not yet won over her heart, but at least I was encouraging my best friend.

TO TOP

Exactly a full year later from the time I met Tian, Hieu and Li-Chun got married. It was an exciting time. Hieu as I said before, was one of my best friends, and so I was one of his groomsmen. Also, as you may recall, Tian was one of Li-Chun’s best friends, so she was one of her brides maids. That was a great way to get to spend more time with Tian since we didn’t go out on dates. I didn’t ask Tian out much since I knew she wasn’t interested in me, and I felt like I would just be harassing her to keep asking her out.

I should mention that by this time, Tian had moved down to the Silicon Valley from San Francisco. Tian worked in Milpitas, as I mentioned earlier, and her best friend, Li-Chun had moved south, as in Mountain View where we lived, to be closer to Hieu. So naturally, Tian really wanted to move south to the Silicon Valley Sector of our church. Tian was getting input about this move from the people in her sector in San Francisco. The problem was, they didn’t want to let her go. No one could blame them, as Tian had come to known as the ‘Share-minator’, ( a play-on word to the Terminator), due to her gung-ho attitude about sharing her faith in Jesus. Tian shared with anything that moved. She was a great benefit to the sector. When trying to convince others she should move, she ran into walls on all sides, until she called me. I of course told her, “come on down! You should be down here close by where you work and where your best friend, Li-Chun, is.” I was also a best friend to her, which was another good reason for her to move. However, I had other motives. In the end, Tian won the battle. She was able to move into the Cupertino Sector. This was good enough for me, even though I really wanted her to be in the same sector as me, the Silicon Valley Sector. At least she lived in the town next door.

This allowed us to spend a bit more time together. For instance, we got to spend much more time with each other at birthday parties, going away parties, weddings or just going out to play frisbee on the lawn at Stanford University. Whatever the excuse, err, reason, I loved getting the extra time with her. Tian was even able to give me a ride to pick up a rental car to head for Tahoe where I was to meet my co-workers for a “ship trip”, a trip that our Quicken development group took each year after the release of a new version of Quicken. I told her about my dating woes during this time as yet another woman I had an interest decided to go steady with someone else. Yes, I did have other interests; I had to. Tian was busy liking other guys, and so one must admit that it would be foolish for me to just wait around all this time without looking else where in the mean time. Basically, I was not putting all my eggs in one basket, especially since I often lost hope that Tian would ever like me. However, if Tian had shown the least bit interest in me, I would’ve dropped the others like a rock. She was first choice by far.

I digress; Back to the wedding.

Before the wedding day, Hieu and Li-Chun had a Jack n Jill wedding shower, meaning both men and women were invited to the shower. As a groomsman, I was involved in the entertainment planning. We had planned quite a skit in “honor” of Hieu and Li-Chun. It was really to be a roasting.

I picked up Tian before the shower as we had the task of picking up some food and supplies at Costco beforehand. We had such a great time in the car laughing as we planned out the skit. Tian was to play Li-Chun, and I was planning on playing Hieu. We laughed so hard just thinking of how we would make great fun of the married couple to be. When we stopped at Costco, I saw Tian practicing something out of the corner of my eye as I was loading the trunk. Then she asked me to watch her. I laughed so hard as I saw her imitating Li-Chun’s walk. Li-Chun has a very distinctive pigeon toed walk that Tian had down perfectly. I loved Tian’s child like heart. She was fearless in her approach to people because of it. Where as I would always try to appear ‘cool and calculated’ when I approached people I didn’t know to talk with them, Tian was always herself. Just like a child. It was this same heart that made her so playful and fun. I really grew more in love with her each time we met together as I learned more and more about her.

Unfortunately, someone threw a wrench in our plan to play a married couple. When we arrived at the shower, we found out that they had already cast Joel, Hieu’s best man, to play Hieu. After all, Joel was the best man, and he was Asian. So, Joel got to play the part I longed to play, being married to Tian, only she was actually pretending to be Li-Chun. So I was all right with that, since she was after all Li-Chun and not Tian, right? Anyway, the skit turned out hilarious, especially when a supposed 80 pounds of laundry fell on top of “Hieu” (Joel), as he was waking up one morning; a satire of the amount of laundry Hieu had to take to a cleaning service just before moving out of our place into his newly married place.

The day of Hieu’s wedding, I was pretty encouraged by the fact that Tian wanted to walk down the isle with me. She even asked Li-Chun if she could, but alas, I was too short. Being that the couples were to be paired up by height, and I was small for a man, and Tian was tall for a woman, even though, as you may recall, we are the same height, destiny had it in mind that we should not walk down the isle together. Denied yet another great moment with Tian, and not for the last time. During the Chinese banquet to be held later that evening, I was set up with a Korean sister from our L.A. Church. As I previously mentioned, Tian was rather busy pursuing a number of eligible bachelors, none of which were me. She was on a date with one, I emphasize ‘one’, of her interests of that time. His name was Yoskai. Yoskai, if you hadn’t guessed, was of Japanese descent. Sitting at the very same table with her at the banquet, was yet another of her interests, Ragu and his date. Ragu has no stake what-so-ever in the spaghetti sauce company in case you were wondering. He was however, filled with jealousy that night as he had not won out as Tian’s date either. I thought this must be quite a predicament for Tian as both men were interested in her at the time, and she in them to some extent, and there they were all at the same table. What’s a poor girl to do. I found out later that it was quite comical, but I shall refrain from the details.

I also was filled with jealousy. Probably not to the extent that Ragu was, being that he was in the running and I was not. My jealousy was more of a longing; A longing to be one of those men in the running. Then perhaps, I would also be sitting at the same table as Tian, adding to the chaos.

The banquet room was rectangular, and I was sitting at the complete opposite end of the rectangle from Tian. While my date, Jenny, was an attractive lady, her character just wasn’t my type. We didn’t seem to click all that well in our conversation, but I did enjoy getting to know her all the same. I’m always very interested in getting to know someone I don’t know much about. I had met Jenny before when she had come up from L.A. to visit her college friends, (she went to Cal Berkeley with Hieu and others), but only for a short time and in a group setting. In God’s Kingdom, we all have a lot in common from the start, but after that, we diverge into our different beings. Jenny and my being’s split at the fork in the road quite obtusely.

At multiple times during our dinner, I would glance over my shoulder to see how Tian was doing with the civil war. They appeared to be having a great time, nothing out of the usual. I had kind of hoped they would knock each other out of the quest for Tian’s heart, leaving me an easier battle. No such luck. However, I did hear later on from Tian that it things turned out to be pretty funny with the “competition” that was going on between the guys. Tian of course swears that she looked over to see how I was doing and said I was always smiling when I she saw me and thought I really must be getting along with Jenny. Little did she know.

And so things went like this for Tian and I for quite some time. I think I must of had an interest in three different woman during the whole time I knew Tian. Even so, my heart never left Tian. For instance, one night, right in the middle of liking a girl named Mei, (this was before the wedding), I was sitting at a table in IHOP with my friend Chris and Ragu, yes, the very same Ragu who liked Tian, spilling my guts about how lousy things were going with this woman I liked. All of sudden, Chris informed me that Ragu and Tian were very close to going steady. I had no idea they even liked each other at this point. Boy was I miffed.

Now don’t get me wrong, if Tian liked someone, and I thought he was good for her, I would genuinely tell her so. And this isn’t just talk. When she later on told me that she kind of liked a particular guy, and I happened to know that guy somewhat, but knew his brother really well, I told Tian she should go for him. I said, “if Joel is anything like his brother, then he is a great guy. I definitely think he’d be great for you.” And yes, this is while I was still very much attracted to Tian, and I meant it. I figured, if Tian wasn’t going to end up with me, at the very least, I wanted my best friend to end up with a great guy. Not that Ragu was a bad guy, just not a great guy for Tian, in my eyes.

The Re-Awakening

One day at church, sometime in March of ’99 I believe, I was talking with my good friend, Hieu, after service while having after church snacks in the court yard outside of the theater at CaÒada College where we were meeting at the time. We got to talking about how did my date with so-and-so go and how I felt about a particular who-and-who when I just had to tell Hieu, “You know Hieu, no matter who I have an interest in, my heart just keeps going back to Tian.” When I told Hieu this, he told me, rather emphatically, that I should not give up on her, and that he would pray for me. He said this because he realized that I had been consistent in liking Tian for nearly a year and a half now, and that my heart still went out for her. He was amazed by this and thought there must be something to my devotion to Tian in my heart. He also told me, “You better win her away from Joel, Tyrone. You can’t let Joel win her heart.”

Joel was Tian’s current interest. Hieu had met Joel at a lunch arranged by Tian, but wasn’t really impressed with Joel and he told Tian so. Tian really respected Hieu’s opinion, which is why she set up the lunch with the four of them, Hieu, Li-Chun, Tian and Joel. Hieu had asked Tian to consider me many times, even from the beginning when we first met, but to no avail. I was always grateful for Hieu’s support though.

Well, after that great encouragement from Hieu, I decided to make a more concerted effort to win Tian’s heart. I wasn’t ready to give up on her until she was going steady with someone she wanted to marry. I was hoping that would be me.

One of the things I did to impress Tian, is I invited her and her roommate to join our household for dinner on our family night; a night when we all make sure to be home at the same time so we can do something together. I was determined to make it a special night. So I planned to cook a delicious enchilada dinner from a recipe that I found on my computer. Being a bachelor household, we didn’t really have any nice dinner settings, so I went to Target and bought some nice plates, (nice plates for Target anyway, and they are pretty nice if I must say so myself. I still have them to this day and use them for company.) I actually bought two sets of dishes, one powder blue, one powder green so I could alternate colors for each setting so that one person had a blue plate, with a green salad plate on top of it, and the next person would have a green plate with a blue salad plate on it. I also bought a salt and peppershaker that matched the plates, salt green, pepper blue. I even bought place mats that matched the plates. I also a bought a very modern and cool looking vase, basically a green glass cylinder that’s open on one end, to sit in the middle of the table with a violet in it; and no, the violet did not come with the vase. Lavender was after all Tian’s favorite color, thus the violet. There were, of course candles on the table as well as no romantic setting would be complete without them.

The dinner was fantastic. Our small but quaint dinning room never looked better. The food turned out better than I imagined and we had a great time talking and laughing. Afterwards we played some games. My roommates thought Tian was crazy and charming all in one. I should mention that by this time I had a completely different set of roommates than I did when I first started liking Tian. For one, Hieu got married, and my other roommate, Kevin decided to move. So this was also the first time my new roommates met Tian and her roommate, Pam.

Once the votes came in, I found the decision was unanimous. My roommates approved of Tian hands down. One of them even kind of liked her and thought that she might like him, (I was to find out later), and all that from the one dinner and game night. Tian is a very friendly person, paying equal attention to everyone, and I’m sure a good number of men could and probably did mistake her kindness for “liking them”.

TO TOP

The week before Easter, which was in early April this particular year, 1999, April 4^th to be exact, an exciting thing happened. I was talking with Tian on the phone, when she asked me if I had any special plans for Easter. I told that I would be heading for Antioch, my hometown where my parents and my brother and his family still live. I told her Easter dinner would be at my brother’s place this year since my parents would be in Idaho visiting my sister and her family. She then told me, “gee, I wish I had someplace to go for Easter”, in her very best forlorn voice.

I took that, as she wanted to come with me to my brother’s house. I nearly jumped out of my pants at that thought that Tian wanted to spend Easter with me. I quickly responded by saying, “You don’t have any plans? Well, I could call my brother and see if they could set another place for you. I’m sure it won’t be a problem.”

“Really”, she said, “That would be great!”

I wasted no time in getting off the phone with Tian to call my brother and sister-in-law so see if it would be fine to have Tian over for Easter. They were more than happy to, to my delight.

I was so fired up that she would be spending Easter with me; I immediately told three of my close friends, including roommates, that Tian practically invited herself on over to my brother’s house for Easter. She really wanted to spend Easter with me! It took a while for me to come down from that.

That was one of the best Easters of my life. Celebrating the gift of God, the resurrection of his son, with my favorite woman in the whole world was pure bliss. Todd and Nicole, my brother and sister-in-law, just loved Tian. I mean, how could they not. Tian really got along well with them, and their friends whom that had also invited to their home. We ate some great tri-tip together, played with my niece and nephew, laughed and mingled with my family and their friends. It was perfect.

Of course, the best part was the conversations we got to have on the way there and back. Well, except for one part of the conversation that is. On the way back home, Tian had asked me several times who my favorite sister in the church was. Well, that was awkward, because it was she. There was one other woman I had told her about a couple weeks earlier that I was excited about taking out on a date, but that date didn’t end up with me feeling very interested in her. I had told Tian about that, but I had to throw her off, so I told her that I might try taking her out again. Which was true, simply because it really takes more than one date to figure things out about a woman. Well, I don’t know if I ever completely do that, but you get the idea.

It was actually frustrating that Tian asked me so much about that, because I figured the reason she was asking me that question, was to let me know that she wasn’t really interested in me for anything more than a friend. When she asked more than once, I was thinking to myself, “Alright already, I get it. You don’t want me to get the wrong idea about you.” This discouraged me. But she kept pressing, and I didn’t really want to repeatedly have to evade the answer that was really in my heart. Looking back, I really wish I had been more upfront with her. It’s just difficult throwing your heart out there sometimes, especially when you expect the result to be disastrous.

So I threw the question back at her. She talked about Joel briefly, but she didn’t really elaborate. Then we moved onto another subject. My plan to throw her off the subject worked.

Something that did encourage me though, on the way home, is that we talked about a great friend of mine that I had recently got back in touch with. His name was Tom. Tom had a lot of impact on my life when we were in college. I told Tian that I was trying to set up a double date with he and his wife. She told me excitedly that she would love to go on that date with me and meet Tom. This topic, coming after our earlier discouraging talk, lifted back out of the doldrums. Talk about being wishy-washy. I guess I am a bit more on the emotional side of the spectrum (some of my friends would say that’s at under statement), but I often channel that emotion somewhere else so that it’s not entirely evident on my face. I think this is only a good quality when playing poker.

At another point in our conversation, Tian asked me what I looked for in a woman. As I was describing to her what I look for, (she told me this later), Tian realized that she had most of those qualities, and she wondered why I didn’t like her. She also hid this from face.

All in all, I was very encouraged by our Easter trip. Anytime I got to bond and grow with Tian, had to be plus.

Taxes aren’t always Bad

In mid April comes a day that many of us Americans dread. Tax time! This particular dreadful event turned out to be a huge blessing for me; and I’m not talking about a huge tax return. Let me step back a little bit.

Just a couple weeks before tax time, there was another friend of mine who was getting married at the Santa Clara University. I was a friend of the bride as well. Tian was also acquainted with the couple to be wed. Part of my typical single-hood modus operandi was to go on a date every weekend, usually on a Saturday, with one of the young women in our church, as do the rest of the singles in our church. For some reason, of which I have no recollection, I did not have a date on this particular Saturday. So I went to the wedding with my roommate, Maurice since he was also a friend to the couple. We arrived at the wedding early. Spotting a few of my friends I went to engage in conversations with them before the ceremony was to begin. Maurice did the same with his friends. Just after finishing one conversation, I was looking at my watch to see how much longer ‘til the ceremony was to start. When I looked up, there was my best friend and desire of my heart standing next me. She gave me a hug and said in sweet child like voice, ”Hey Tyrone, how are you doing?” Incidentally, I was doing much better now that she was there, but I didn’t dare tell her that as I was still in Stealth mode in my pursuit of her heart. After some small talk, she asked me where I was sitting.

“I don’t know yet. Would you like to sit with me?” I was surprised with the smoothness at which I had spoke my mind to her, as often I can be rather klutzy when speaking with a woman that I am secretly in love with.

“Sure!” she said rather enthusiastically. Again I was amazed with how I hid my surprise at the fact that she was so up beat about wanting to sit with me. I was also surprised at the fact that she was also without a date. As we sat down with each other and talked, I learned why; she had been dropped of at the wedding by her date, which had just ended. She planned on hooking up with a ride home at wedding. The date she was on was with my competition, Joel. For some reason, it didn’t bother me that much, but I did wonder in my mind how much fun she had on her date. She told me she had fun, but I wondered how much fun.

We had fun whispering our personal comments during the ceremony. When the wedding was over, Tian asked me if I was going to the reception. I told her that I heard that it was by invitation only, and I had not been invited, so I was going home to finish my taxes. I explained that I usually do my own taxes using tax software on my computer at home She had also not been invited and exclaimed to me that she still needed to do her taxes too, and could I help her do them.

Well, that was a no-brainer for me. I assured her I would and told her we could order some pizza and do taxes. It would be a “tax date”. Sounds pretty exciting eh? What can I say; doing anything with Tian was exciting to me.

Again, we try to guard our purity between the sexes in order to live according to Jesus’ words. To make sure we wouldn’t be alone at home, I quickly went to find my roommate to make sure he was going to be home. I told him I was going to buy some pizza, an obvious bribe to make sure he didn’t go to the reception. He didn’t plan on going anyway, so he said, “sure”.

It was set then. Tian sat up front with me. We dropped by her place first so she could pick up her paper work and then went to my place where I promptly ordered a pizza.

I never had so much fun doing taxes in my life. I started on hers right away. Of course, everything takes longer when you are with someone you love. We talked and laughed and ate pizza with Maurice when it came. We got quite a bit done despite all that, but didn’t quite finish her taxes before it got late and she needed to get going. I told her I would finish her taxes for her and took her home. I really felt Tian and I were getting closer and closer with each time we spent together. Of course, she was a little annoyed with me when I told her that she owed money to the government. She had never owed before, so it was clearly my fault that she owed now. I assured her that I had nothing to do with that and that Turbo Tax never fails. She wasn’t really that annoyed with me, but she made lots of playful remarks about me concerning that.

The real kicker came when I needed Tian to come over to sign her tax return. When she came, I showed her where to sign. She asked if there was any place else that she should sign. I jokingly said, “Not unless you have a spouse.” Then she jokingly moved the pen to that spot and pretended out loud to be signing, “Mrs. Tian Mendez”.

I froze for second, astonished that she would say that so matter-of-factly; and then I smiled kind of embarrassed about the thought. She quickly stated that she thought that I, uh, I mean the man, should have to change their name to be the woman’s last name, and that I should be Tyrone Wang. Well, although she was joking, it very much pleased me that she would talk like that about us. It also had me wondering; “Did she finally like me?” But then again, many brothers thought that she might like them from how she treated them. So, I dismissed it; until, later in the conversation she said something that really shocked me.

As I mentioned earlier, on our Easter trip, that I had described what I look for in a woman. One of things I mentioned was that I look for a woman who balances me out. I made a whole point about it. As we were talking there in the living room while my roommates watched television, she says out of nowhere, “Tyrone, I think I balance you out.” WHOA! That, in my mind, is as good as saying, “Tyrone, I’m good for you”. Well, I couldn’t disagree with her, but I couldn’t quite get myself to agree with her out loud. So I just smiled and said nothing. I figure I can’t mess things up that way. I also wondered at the time if my roommates had heard that, but there was no response from them; all caught up in whatever they were watching I guess. I really wanted them to say something, or at least look as shocked as I did so I could verify that she really said that. I was really suspicious now. “She must like me”, I thought to myself.

It was either later that same evening, or a different visit, I can’t quite remember, that we got talking about my childhood and Tian wanted to see pictures of me in my high school days. So, I broke out the picture albums from my room. As I flipped through the pages, Tian saw one close up profile picture of me that my dad had taken. My dad is a professional photographer, so he does very good work. When Tian saw the picture of me, about 35 pounds lighter, she said, “Tyrone! You were so handsome. What happened?” Tian is not in the habit of holding back as you can tell.

Well that was it. Tian thought that the skinny me was handsome and that something drastic had happened since then. I was both petrified and yet encouraged by this remark.

The encouraging part was, I could do something about the weight, and get back to that “handsome” state that she was talking about. The fact that she found me handsome when I didn’t have the extra flab on my face, actually encouraged me. It gave me a reason to lose the weight. It encouraged me so much, that I took immediate action in developing an exercise regime and made a conscious effort to eat less fattening foods. Talk about motivation; I was pumped! I couldn’t wait to get back to that point so that Tian would once again consider me handsome. Later that year, one of my good friends said to me, “Tyrone, I am so shocked. How did you lose so much weight?” I then had to tell him the embarrassing story of the photo’s and Tian’s reaction. What ever works is what I say.

After all this has occurred, one would think that I would be pretty confident in letting Tian know how I felt about her. But, after being friends for almost a year and a half, and repeatedly having Li-Chun tell me that she is not interested in me, and the fact that she is very friendly to everyone, still had me doubting.

I was, however, more encouraged about our relationship than I ever had been before, and kept that fuel going in my heart. The fuel that allowed me to believe that one-day, it could happen; she could actually like me. But I went back and forth in my belief. Sometimes, I would look at myself in the mirror and think, “Who am I kidding. Why should a beautiful woman like that settle for me?” On the other hand, I was making progress in losing weight; our friendship seemed to grow by leaps and bounds every time we talked on the phone; and as my faith grew, my confidence level would increase. She would often call me at work to talk about one thing or another. Things in general seemed to be going really well.

The thing is, Tian always seemed to keep me at an arms length distance; figuratively that is. She did this, by wanting to set me up with other women in our church; they were usually good friends of hers. One in particular, Renee, had been the topic of much discussion between her and I. I had never met her, but Tian brought a couple of pictures over to show me what Renee looked like. They were group pictures; Tian was in both of them. She showed me the pictures enthusiastically and told me, “Tyrone, your future wife is here in this picture!”, and then she would show me Renee. She did this while my roommates were home. After she left, I told my roommates, “Well, Tian is in both of these pictures, so maybe she’s right. My future wife is in these pictures.” That got a good laugh out of my roommates.

Actually, one of my roommates really believed there was a future for Tian and I. His name was Maurice. He was the same guy who rode home with Tian and I after the wedding the day we had our tax date. One day, he actually gave me a really profound analogy of how he thought things were going between Tian and I.

He started believing in us when during the Christmas of ’98, just five months earlier than the tax date, Tian and I exchanged some special gifts. They were only special, because it was what we each knew the other needed or wanted. When I came home with the gift, a very nice looking teapot and cup set, (I am very much a tea lover), Maurice asked me where I got it. When I told him Tian gave to me as a Christmas present, he just lit up.

“Man, why are you always complaining about how Tian is never gunna like you? Did she give any of those other guys a gift?”, Maurice said with a rather emphatic and shrill voice that one gets when talking excitedly. Not to mention, that the rate at which he spoke was greatly accelerated.

“No”, I answered meekly, “but it’s just because we’re close friends.”

“Oh, and she just happened to get you something that she knew you wanted?”, he replied in the same excited tone.

“It’s because she knows me so well”, I retorted.

“Tyrone, I know Tian likes you. This is just like the 200 meter race in track!”

He really had my curiosity going at this point. I was dying to know how Tian and I’s relationship could possibly even remotely resemble the 200 meter race except perhaps in the fact that we both ran track. However, my specialty was the 800 meter race, as was Tian’s. So what in the world did the 200 meter race have to do with us?

Maurice continued, “You know how the 200 always starts with a stagger? The guy closest to the inside of the track starts way behind everyone else. The guy furthest out from the track starts way up ahead. Thing is, you can never tell who’s in first place until they come down to the final stretch”, Maurice said moving his arms in a sprinting motion as he described the final stretch. “ I think you’re in the lead Tyrone, and you just can’t tell yet.”

I was speechless at first. This was utterly profound to me; and a fresh way to look at things. I had to stop and wonder if there was any validity to what he said about us. Could I possibly be in the lead and not know it? I hoped so. But in the end, I decided to dismiss his comment as over optimism.

“Yah, yah”, I said to him with a big smile, hoping it was true but not faithful enough to believe. A half a year would pass before I was to realize how accurate his words were.

I digress. Getting back to Renee, my roommates did laugh at my comment, but at least at this point I had a bit more confidence that it could happen for us. I started to feel like I was closing in on the guy in first place.

So, Tian set me up on double date with Renee. Tian and a guy named Yoski, one of the two guys that she sat between on Hieu and Li-Chun’s wedding day, one of the guys she liked then, but only somewhat had an interest in now, was our double.

The date was actually a lot of fun. Tian wore the jacket I gave her for Christmas, which is always an encouraging sign that I did indeed give her something she will use often and hopefully think of me when she does.

One might think that I would be a little insecure having Tian on a double date with me while I’m on a date with someone she thinks I’m going to marry one day, but honestly, I took it all in stride. It really didn’t phase me much. At this point, I had prayed enough, and had started to believe that if Tian is good for me,than God can certainly make it happen for us, and if not, than it wasn’t meant to be.

To be honest, one of the reasons I had become more confident, was I looked around in the fellowship at our church quite often, and I noticed something; There were a whole lot of couples where a very average, and sometimes even less than average, looking man, had a very beautiful wife accompanying him. I said to myself, “Ya know, if God can bless these guys, with that kind of wife, he can certainly bless me with Tian”.

In anycase, I was at a point of resolve in my life where I totally trusted that God could make it happen for Tian and I and that if he didn’t, he must have better plans. But I was optimistic for the former. So in the current situation, I was totally relaxed. It was actually fun being on a double with Tian, and meeting a new woman who actually seemed to be pretty cool and fairly attractive. We basically went to a museum in Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, then went to a Chinese restaurant, and then went back to Renee’s house, also in San Francisco, and played some games. As the night progressed, and I got to know Renee better, I really thought she had possibilities. Of course, I was unmoved in my attraction to Tian, but in my estimation, a guy has always got be thinking in the back of his mind about an alternative plan in the event, that things just don’t work out the way you were hoping.

At the end of the night, Tian, always the matchmaker, and always relentless, asked Renee if she had a great time. Renee said she had a wonderful time. So right there in front of me, Tian told Renee, “ Great! We can set up another date for you two soon.” I tapped her hand and said, oh so softly and subtly, “Tian”. She new right away that I meant for her to stop, and she did. It’s not that I was embarrassed, but it’s pressure on Renee that she doesn’t need, and if I want to go out again with her, I would ask her myself.

Tian went home with Yoski, and I drove home by myself. When I got home, I called Tian to explain to her why I had asked her to stop when she was trying to se up the next date with Renee already. She said she knew I was going to call about that and that she was sorry.

After getting that out of the way, we went on to talk about how the date went. This conversation ended up being it for me. It was the final clue as to how Tian felt about me. It was what pushed me over the edge. It’s the straw that broke the camel’s back. You will not be able to feel the same impact that I felt by when I explain this to you, mainly because you have to know Tian’s character to understand how I got the clue. Secondly, because nobody could possibly know how much it meant for me to finally have a year and half of friendship culminate into this final revelation.

When Tian asked me what I thought of the date with Renee, I told her, “ You know, Renee is a really awesome woman. I think I would like to ask her out again.”

Tian’s response was, “Awww, listen to you.”

That was it. That was the final revelation. That was how I knew that Tian had feelings for me.

Anyone who knows Tian, knows that when she accomplishes something that she set out to do, and especially when it comes to dating and setting up couples, she gets absolutely ecstatic. She is fired up. She celebrates out loud to let you know just how excited she is; both for you and because she has succeeded. And yet, all I got for her efforts and success were, “Awww, listen to you.” A dead give away. There could only be one explanation; Tian was having some jealous thoughts.

Let me tell you, when I heard that response, in my heart I went, “Yes!” I can’t believe it.”

Of course, we did continue talking on the phone, but I was scarcely paying attention to anything else. The whole rest of the conversation, I had a big smile on my face. I had a very good feeling about how things were going to turn out. And yet, as always, doubt still tried to creep in and steal my joy. But I was very reluctant to let it.

Now I had to come up with a plan. One day, while at work, I was sitting in my cubical being rather unproductive because I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that Tian could really like me, but what if she didn’t; and what I needed to do to take our relationship to the next stage; asking Tian to be my girlfriend.

The woman who was spiritually mentoring Tian at the time, was a woman named Rose. I decided I needed to give her a call, to tell her my intentions. I merely wanted to let her know that I wanted to let Tian know that I liked her for more than a friend. I thought it would be wise to ask her about this being that she was deeply involved in Tian’s life and would know better where she stood, know that there were others guys that Tian had in mind, and could give me some input on how I should go about letting her know. What I didn’t count on was the resistance I would encounter from her.

I basically told Rose that I was convinced that Tian was interested in dating me steady. She asked me if I knew that Tian treated everybody really kind and that many guys had mistakenly thought that Tian liked them. I assured her that I knew that quality about Tian, which is why I didn’t call over a year ago. I then had to give her all the reasons, the clues, as to why I believed Tian like me. She still didn’t believe that I had a good argument for my case.

She then asked me, “are you sure you want to ruin your friendship by telling her how you feel about her?”

I let her know that I was aware of the risk, but that I felt that the risk was calculated and low.

She still wasn’t convinced. She proceeded to tell me a story about how she wrecked a great friendship she had with a guy who was one her best friends. But she grew attracted to him, let him know how she felt about him, and that was it. The friendship was over.

I was not getting any encouragement here. My hopes of convincing Rose that telling Tian how I felt was really a good thing to do were rapidly vanishing; But, my hope of hitting my primary target was not. This called for drastic measures.

About a couple months earlier, I had a conversation with a good friend of mine who happen to be a leader in our church of the same sector of our church that Tian was a member of. His name was Jason. We were both attending a party in Mountain View at the time. Jason asked me if there was anyone in particular that I had an interest in. I told him about my interest in Tian. I told him all that I had done to win heart; the household dinners, hanging out at functions with her, doing favors for her, anything but actually asking her out on a date. (Recall that I was advised to not be aggressive in pursuing her or she would back away). Jason told me I was “innocent as a dove yet as shrewd as a snake”, referring to a passage in the Bible, (Matthew 10:16). It was kind of like your old buddy saying to you, “Why you sly old fox…”. I told Jason that it was an uphill battle, at the time, and a steep one at that. We ended our conversation with Jason saying to let him know if I ever needed help as far as Tian was concerned.

If there was ever a time I needed help, this was it. It was time to pick up the red phone with the line straight to the commissioner’s office.

Jason, being a very busy person, took more than a couple phone calls to reach, but I finally did. Once I told him my situation, he was on it. Of course, even then, time seemed to crawl as about three weeks passed before I got any clear cut help from Jason.

Meanwhile, I was busy with plans of my own. But before I can continue, , I must backtrack.

On Valentine’s Day that same year, I brought a different woman, named Norma, to the annual Valentine’s Day party that some very close friends of mine always throw, back in my home town of Antioch. I didn’t ask Tian for the same old reasons. I knew she really liked some other guys and thought she’d be kind of upset if I asked her to be my valentine when she would rather be with her favorite guy of choice. Turns out some other guy that she didn’t have an interest in at all had already asked her for that day, and she accepted. Figures. If I weren’t being so dang conservative, she could have been my date. Anyway, my family really liked Norma, who was a really good friend of mine, whom I also had somewhat of an interest in. Thing is, I didn’t feel Norma balanced me out. Remember, that was one of those important things I told Tian I needed to have in a woman. Norma and I shared too many of the same weaknesses. So, while I really enjoyed her friendship, I just had a hard time seeing us together. It didn’t help that I already had my sights set on Tian, whom I believed had endless qualities that I needed in my life.

So, as I mentioned, my parents really liked her. It really helped that she was from the same home town as my dad, El Paso Texas. Also, being that Norma was Latina, my dad and her really hit it off speaking in Spanish with each other; a language that unfortunately, I never came close to mastering. After that date, my parents were very gung-ho about me dating Norma. I told them that the reason that I didn’t believe that would be happening, was because there was someone else that I believed was so much better for me. I told them she was really special and that one day, I would introduce her to them, and they would see what I meant. I was pretty confident about that. They conceded and said, “Ok son, we’ll wait to meet Tian”.

You must understand, that I was 35 at the time and not getting any younger. On top of that, I had almost been married before but we broke it off nearly last minute, breaking my parents hearts, as well as mine. They were anxious to see me, their oldest son, finally get married. After all, my two younger siblings had already been married for quite some time, so what was wrong with me anyway.

This brings my back to my plan. Don’t ask me why I thought this, but for some reason, I knew in my heart, that if Tian were to meet my parents and spend an evening together with them, that she would somehow really fall in love with me. Perhaps it was the Holy Spirit, perhaps it was some line of crazy thinking, but in my heart of hearts, I believed this. My parents were already primed to meet her, and since things were going so well, I thought they better meet her soon so they’d know what I was talking about those nearly four months ago.

I didn’t tell Tian about my plan right away, but it was something I knew I wanted to do soon.

The next day, after my conversation with Rose on the phone, I was attending our sector’s mid-week service up in Redwood City. Li-Chun and Hieu were in the same sector. After service was over, Li-Chun approached me.

“Hey Tyrone, I hear you told Rose about your feelings for Tian.”

“What!”, was my shocked reaction. “How did you find this out?”

“Tian told me”, Li-Chun informed me.

“What!”, was my even more shocked reply. “How did Tian know?”

“Apparently Rose talked with Tian about your phone call.”

I was mad. “I cannot believe she went right to Tian when I told her specifically not to tell Tian about what I had said. I wanted it to come from me!”, I spouted to Li-Chun.

“Yah, not good”, Li-Chun said calmly. “But, I do have some good news that came out of it.”

I froze. Could it be THE good news that I had been waiting to hear for a year and half? It seemed like an eternity before Li-Chun spoke her next words, though it was only seconds. I just couldn’t wait to hear what those words were.

“Tian said that she does kind of like you.”

Blood rushed to my brain; I felt dizzy. I was elated.

“Yes!” was my overjoyed response. It didn’t even matter that she had said, “kind of” liked me. I was as sure when she said those words, that Tian would be my girlfriend as Elijah was when he saw a cloud the size of a hand on the horizon and knew that the seven year drought would end momentarily with a huge storm, (1 Kings 18:44).

Li-Chun talked a bit more with me about the conversation she had with Tian. She reminded me that she only said she “kind of” liked me. Didn’t matter to me. I told every guy I ran into in the fellowship that knew that I liked Tian all this time of the great news that Tian kind of liked me. They were fired up for me too.

I called Tian the next day from work. I just couldn’t wait to talk with her. I wanted to set up the double date with her and my parents. I had already called them and squared away a date. The tone of our conversation was very different. Neither of us let on like we were aware of what we had both discovered the day before. As far as I was concerned she didn’t know I talked with Li-Chun, and I didn’t know that Rose had talked with her. It was a different feeling talking on the phone with Tian, knowing she kind of liked me. I don’t know how to describe how the tone of our conversation was any different than any other time, but it was and it was obvious.

My parents were very excited about meeting Tian. They had heard plenty about her from me and my brother and sister-in-law, who met her at Easter. So they were more than happy to come to Mountain View, an hour and a half drive from Antioch, for a dinner date with Tian and I. The time frame was mid-May, 1999.

I was just as eager for them to come. I really did believe this date was going to change things. My goal was to get Tian to move from “kind of liking me”, to full-blown, “I really like this guy”, and if I really got lucky, to “I really love this guy!”

I was to be the chef for that day. I was cooking a fancy stuffed chicken dish. Tian wanted to come over a bit early to help me make some of the appetizers, stuffed mushrooms and one other item. I cannot recall what it was. I went to Sunnyvale, the neighboring town where Tian was living at the time, to pick her up. I had a single yellow rose to give to her. She asked me when I gave her the rose, just before she got in the car, what the yellow rose stood for, since she had heard that each color rose had it’s own meaning. I told her that it meant friendship. I had to chuckle to myself when I saw the disappointed look on her face. She was hoping it stood for much more. And in my case, it did, only I couldn’t say so at the time because of some unwritten rule that I was holding myself to. In any case, it was really fun cooking together.

This was not the first time, cooking together that is. One time, just a couple weeks earlier, I still had to honor another date that I set up with another woman. Being as Tian and I had no official binds to each other, Tian thought nothing of this, and she wanted to help me out with cooking that dinner too. I thought that was an interesting situation. Here I was, with my roommate who was going to be my double, cooking for a date, and the girl I wish I was going on date with was helping me cook the dinner. We of course made sure that Tian was not there by the time the ladies were to arrive.

Cooking together was inspirational. It gave me visions of what it might be like to be preparing a meal with my wife. I thought, “Who knows, if things work out, Tian could be cooking with me in this very kitchen as my wife someday. (mention in final story that this vision came true)

My parents arrived when the meal was almost done. Perfect timing. We were still in the kitchen working together and talking with my parents who were sitting at the kitchen table, once again looking it’s best, this time to impress both Tian and my parents. Tians My mom even jumped in there to help out a bit. Mom is a great cook and was able to help us with some of the final preparations. It is great to have a mom who realizes when her son is sinking and needs only a helping hand to bail him out.

Tian didn’t seem to be a bit nervous around my family. She handled herself very well, as usual. Being from China, she knows how to treat parents with respect, even if only on a surface level, (unfortunately, one does not always treat their own parents with great respect. A fallacy we could all change in our lives). They seemed to be getting along great.

Conversation went well at dinner. My dad, the one from whom I inherited my curiosity and sense of adventure, had lots of questions for Tian concerning her home land, China, and her culture. Tian actually likes questions like that, as long as they are intelligent questions. Some people like to ask her questions such as, “Do they have television sets in China?” Duh. Tian feels insulted by that type of ignorance. But no such questions passed from my father’s lips. He is very well read. After dinner we chatted a bit. We cleaned up the table and then I suggested that we go for coffee and dessert in downtown Mountain View.

Down town Mountain View is one of my favorite places to go. It’s the main reason I loved living in Mountain View. It’s a very old, quaint street, yet very busy. They usually light up the trees with white Christmas lights, even when it’s not Christmas, to add some extra charm to the street, although the street is already brimming with it. The street is lined with scores of great restaurants, novelty shops, bookstores and coffee shops. The place I wanted to take them to was my favorite coffee shop, Cuppa Joe’s. I am not actually a coffee drinker, but I like mocha’s and love the frozen drinks and desserts and the great atmosphere that Cuppa Joe’s provided. I especially liked that they often had free entertainment on weeknights as well as weekends.

This coffee shop had a lot of history with me. For instance; I had broken up with my ex-fiancÈe at this shop. I met another woman from our church that I ended up liking at this shop. I had some personal bible studies with people at this shop. I had taken people I was getting to know and wanted to just talk with to this shop. I hung out with good friends at this shop. I talked with many people about coming to our church to hear the gospel preached at this shop. I was about to have a woman fall completely in love me at this shop.

There was no free entertainment on this night; but I was grateful, because the excitement I had in my heart from being there with Tian and my family together was all the entertainment I needed; indeed, it was all that I could handle. They did, though, have some nice mellow, yet modern, music playing over the house speakers. We chose one of high round tables with the bar stools to sit at next to the window, my favorite spot to sit. It was that the very deep conversations took place. Tian asked my parents questions about me concerning my life with them as an adolescent. My mom expounded on our family life with some excitement, depth and a little embellishment, as family is wont to do when talking of the past. As Tian listened intently to what my mother had to say, all of sudden, my mom stopped talking. She looked at Tian with concern as asked, “Are you alright honey?”

I looked over at Tian to see what my mom could possibly be referring to. Tian had tears in her eyes. None of us understood at first just why she did have tears, but as she started explaining about how the stories touched her, how much she missed her own family in China and how she wished she got spend more time with her family growing up, it all made sense.

Tian’s mom and dad were diplomats in China. They had to leave her and her brother, Yue, to grow up through some of the most challenging years of their lives alone for China’s sake. The communist government would not allow them to take their children with them. Tian was twelve, her brother seventeen, when their parents left; they were gone for five years. In addition to all this, Tian was used to her parents criticizing her, rather than building her up. This behavior tends leaves scars on one’s life.

It was as little of all these things together that brought Tian to tears eyes at this moment.

My mom and dad and myself wanted to comfort her without making a big deal out of it so that she wouldn’t be uncomfortable. The conversation prompted some other sharing from various others of us, and we ended up having a good time learning about each other. It is amazing to know that after knowing your parents all your life, that you can still get to know new things about them.

When we left the coffee shop that evening. We all left with a deeper understanding of each other. We left with a good feeling knowing that we were a little closer to each other. Tian left, I found out later, believing she was in love with me.

The plan worked, even better than I believed it could. That night with my parents was the catalyst needed to stir up and help Tian realize what kind of love she had for me in her heart. She went home and confessed to her roommate how her feelings had changed toward me that night. Her roommate just had to ask her with thick sarcasm, “Oh, are you sure you really like him? Don’t you really just like him like he’s your big brother?” She responded this way because she had a gut feeling that there was more there than Tian would admit to or was in touch with. When ever Pam, her roommate, would ask Tian how she felt about me, she would always reply, “Oh I just like Tyrone like my big brother.”

I could not verify for sure that Tian was now completely sold out for me, but I had a good feeling about it. I really believed that she did. Li-Chun, ever my indirect connection to Tian, confirmed what I believed; that she did indeed feel very strongly about me after the date with my parents.

It was finally time for what I call the final phase”. No, not marriage, that’s an entirely different final stage all together. The final phase simply refers those last few steps that needed to be taken before we went steady. At least, that is, in the circles I run in where we try to do it both spiritually focused, and with a high rate of success. In the book of Proverbs it states, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” This may seem counter culture in our do-it-yourself society, but I say, it’s counter productive to go without advice.

And so I sought much advice. The advice of my spiritual mentor, Ho, the advice of Tian’s sector leader, Jason, and several of Tian’s friends. I really wanted to make sure she was ready, and that I was ready to lead her in a spiritual relationship. This is one of the benefits of having a partner in life, is that we help each other reach spiritual goals and otherwise, just to stay spiritual. It’s all too easy to go the other way. And as for me, perhaps I was a bit overly cautious, but I had waited for too long for this moment to arrive to rush into things now and mess it all up. I wanted to make sure that I didn’t blow it. Part of my gun-shyness most likely came from the fact that I was almost married once before, and just weeks before it was about to happen, it didn’t. That can leave some pretty deep emotional scars and it did. So, I proceeded with caution.

Sometimes this was frustrating though, to both Tian and I, as some of the people I was determined to reach, were very hard to get a hold of. So this delayed everything.

Tian was now making sure that I knew she liked me. She would tell my roommate, RJ, “RJ, I really like Tyrone now. How come he won’t ask me to be his girlfriend? RJ would have to make excuses for me or tell her to not worry because he was sure I had a plan and God would determine the right time. Tian was starting to get impatient with the fact that now that she finally liked me, she wanted us to go steady right away, but it wasn’t happening right away. She started to wonder why it hadn’t already happened. And no, I was not taking revenge; it was simply her turn to wait.

The day did come though. I finally got all the input I needed. I developed a plan with the help of my friend Ho. We decided to throw a game night. A party where we would invite our friends, bring some food and have a great time playing games.

There was a couple that Tian and I had been reaching out to, Frank and Sharon, who were to play an important role in this plan. I forgot to mention that this was another way I got to spend time with Tian. . I had met Sharon at work. In talking with Sharon at work, I learned that her and her husband liked to play a Chinese game called Mahjong, a game that I had always wanted to learn. So, being that they were Chinese, from China, not American born, it only made sense that Tian should be the one to help me build a friendship with them. So I called on Tian promptly. She was more than glad to help me. I must have had three, what I call, black market dates, (a chance to spend time with a girl you are interested in without actually asking them on a date), with Tian just in spending time with Frank and Sharon. Rather ingenious if you ask me.

They way they were involved in this particular plan, is that I invited them to the game night, but never having been to my friend Ho’s house, they didn’t know how to get there. I could have just given them directions, but what I asked them to do was pretend that they could not understand my directions, and so we would need to meet them somewhere close by Ho’s place in Foster City, halfway between San Jose and San Francisco, which just happen to be a lovely park near a beautiful lake, actually it was more of canal, but it was so wide, it was for all intentional purposes, a lake, with plenty of beautiful scenery. I told Tian that I had invited Frank and Sharon, but that I would have to meet them somewhere in Foster City and that I would love to have her come along. She of course agreed. She met me at my place of work, very close by her office. I introduced her to one of my co-workers who happened to be a member of our church and a good friend of mine. He knew I was going to ask Tian on this day and was excited for me. He had asked me to bring Tian by his cube before leaving as he wanted to meet her. After having done that. We were off to Foster City.

Along they way, Tian thought that I must have a lot on my mind, as I looked very pre-occupied. She asked if I had a rough day a work. It so happened that I was pretty swamped at the time trying to meet some deadlines at work, so I said that I did. What was actually going through my mind was all the plans I had made just to make asking her to go steady a very special moment. I was pretty nervous, wanting everything to turn out right. Not wanting to forget the words of the song I had prepared, or would Hieu and Li-Chun make it to the correct spot and on time? All these things were floating through my head. I couldn’t tell her that of course.

We reached Foster City in good time, a bit ahead of schedule, which doesn’t happen very often at all for me. When we reached the park, we parked the car across the street at an out door shopping center. There was a Safeway there. I was so nervous, I had to go use the restroom first before going to the park. I asked Tian if she wanted to go into the store with me, but she said she would wait outside. As it turned out, a couple that we both knew happened to see us there in the parking lot as they drove up. This turned out to be good as Tian now had someone to talk with while I went to use the men’s room. Patrick, the husband, was going into the store while his wife waited outside in their van talking with Tian.

When I returned, Patrick was back already and as we were saying good-bye, he asked me in secret, “Is she your girlfriend?”

“She will be in about 15 minutes” I replied confidently as I nodded over toward the park.

He understood and immediately put a big smile on his face. “Alright man! Best of luck”, he whispered to me.

So off we went to the park. I had told Tian that we were initially going to meet them at the Safeway, but since there was a nice park across the way, I told Frank that whoever got there first should wait at the park so at least they could enjoy the park lest the wait be lengthy. Thing is, they were not really going to the park. They were going straight on to the party. What can I say, this is one of the few circumstances, along with surprise parties and engagements, where deceit is not a bad thing, and I was thoroughly enjoying it. J

It was an absolutely beautiful day outside. The date was June 11^th, 1999. When we crossed the street into the park, we both scanned the area looking for Frank and Sharon, who would never be there. I suggested we walk a bit to see if they were up toward the large gazebo, which was built over the water. So we walked over to the gazebo, and onto it. There were benches on the inner part of the gazebo, and only a small frame of wood along the outer ring of the gazebo that was meant to give some sense of security that you wouldn’t fall into the water. Once we reached the side of the gazebo that projected the furthest over the water, we both seemed to have the same idea as we sat down on the edge of the gazebo, letting our feet dangle over the edge, with the wooden bar just above our heads. Tian took off her shoes, I guess just in case she could dip her feet in the water, but we were high enough off of the water that our feet would not reach the water. There was slight cool breeze, like there normally is in the Bay Area when you are close to a body of water, in this case, the San Francisco Bay, so I had my jacket on. I didn’t so much need the jacket for warmth, as I did to conceal the poem that I had written for Tian. I actually had asked Tian if she wanted to bring her jacket with her, since she didn’t have it on when got out of the car. She declined. This worried me a bit, because I know that Tian can easily get cold, at which point I always offered her my jacket. But in this case, I needed to be wearing the jacket since the poem was stored there. Luckily, she did not seem to be cold.

As we sat there, I told her that I had written a poem, and that I wanted to share it with her. She was a bit distracted at the time, because she was looking around for Frank and Sharon. Sometimes my deception works too good. She actually didn’t hear that part that I had written the poem. She only knew that I wanted to read a poem to her. In her heart, she was thinking, “what a bad time to read me a poem, we really need to be looking for Frank and Sharon”. None the less, I preceded to read the poem. It was entitled, “A Dream of Heaven”. It so happens that Tian’s name in Chinese means heaven or sky. The title caught her attention since she realized I might have chosen this poem because her name was heaven.

So I read her the poem, that went like this:

At the end of the poem, when I asked her to go steady, she was actually stunned.

“What! You tricked me!” Were her first words as she punched me on my shoulder. It wasn’t exactly the response I was expecting, but I was happy to see her so surprised and happy. She started explaining to me that she didn’t expect this and how she was so distracted. She was quite excited. In all this, excitement, she forgot to answer my question. I guess she just assumed I knew. Although a formality, I really wanted her to say yes. I reminded her of my question, and she seemed a bit confused, I guess due to some cultural differences, or the fact that it should be obvious by her response, but once she finally understood the question and answer part of me asking her, she said, “Yes, of course!”

I was overjoyed to see her very excited response. It was a bit surreal for me that this was actually happening; All the times that I thought for sure that it would never happen. Because as little as a month earlier, Tian was telling me about other guys she liked; Because, Tian was so amazingly beautiful and awesome in heart, and I was just me; Because I was told for so long that she was not interested in me. Yet, here we were, together; boyfriend and girlfriend, brought together by God himself. I was stoked.

The next thing I had planned was to sing her a song by Sarah Brightman called, “No one Like You”. Actually, she didn’t write the song, but she does sing it.

The lyrics to the song go like this:

In your eyes are my secrets that I've never shown you

In my heart I feel I've always known you

In your arms there's a comfort that I never knew

You're what I've been waiting for, there's no one like you

Sure as the sunrise, pure as a prayer

You fashioned hope right out of thin air

Ev'ry dream I abandoned, seems it could come true

I believe in miracles, there's no one like you

This did not go flawless, as I needed to break out the words in the middle of the song. These were also in my jacket pocket. None-the-less, it accomplished its task. Tian loved to hear me sing, and this was the first complete song I ever sang to her and for her. She loved it.

In the next moment, just after I finished the song, Hieu and Li-Chun appeared, as if out of nowhere, with a dozen roses that they handed to me to hand to Tian. She was once again stunned. She wondered where they came from. Hieu and Li-Chun had actually been at the park for as long as we had. They were spying on us the whole time, taking pictures of us, unbeknownst to Tian. They also brought my godson with them. My godson is actually a teddy bear named Benjamin who wears a Raider headband that I gave him. Benjamin used to live at my apartment when Hieu lived there, but now he lives with Hieu and Li-Chun.

We all had a good laugh and they asked us questions about how it went since they could not hear what was going on, only see. They also wanted to hear the poem. Tian did too, being that she was still fairly distracted while I was reading it because she would still look to see if Frank & Sharon were coming. I told her before I read it again that they were already at the party waiting for us. She got a kick out of that and punched me again while proclaiming, “You!” I just laughed. I read the poem for a second time for all of them to hear. She got a lot more out of it this time and gave me a big hug when I finished. I was in heaven.

We took some more pictures before leaving the gazebo, including a picture that Hieu tried to take of all four us by extending his arm as far as he could and aiming the camera back at us. We decided that that one probably wouldn’t turn out too well, so we stopped another couple walking by to take a much better one. Then we went on to the party.

Everyone at the party already knew that I was going to ask Tian to be my girlfriend at the party, so they all made a fuss when we arrived. They wanted to know the whole story. I told them part of it.

Some of Tian’s good friends where there to congratulate her. You know how girls do when they are excited. “Domica I’m going steady!”

“Ahhh” they both screamed at the same time. Domica screamed while saying, “I know” in a very shrill voice.

Frank and Sharon were of course there, and happy they could be apart of the plan. We had a great time playing some games with them and relishing in the fact that we were now an “official” couple. People asked us various questions throughout the evening: “What song did you sing? Can I see the poem? Did you expect anything Tian?”

Taking Tian home was never more fun, and yet, never more hard. It’s at times like these you wish you could spend a really long time with the one you love. But much discipline is needed when you are trying to be righteous. We talked on her porch for a while before saying good night. We were both so excited. We talked about future dates and doubles and how we were so happy to finally be dating each other. We had talked about what we were both going through in the weeks leading up to this day during the ride back to her house. No more of this “just friends” stuff. This was the real deal. It was a dream come true, as I found myself with the woman of my dreams as my girlfriend. It was worth the wait. It was worth the pain. It was worth the many prayers.